Customer Reviews
IF YOU ARE ANGRY READ THIS BOOK - By: Me Thinks, 04 Nov 2008 
This is a fantastic book to read if you are an angry person or live with an angry person. The only problem I have with it is that it is presumed that the abusive person is male & the only 'cure' is to leave them !!! I found this book while trying to find out why I always seemed angry with my husband & was quite shocked to find out that I was the abusive person. so shocked & mortified that I had a big chat with the hubby & am learning to work together as a family & not with me always having to be the boss (or having one up on him). Family liFe is much sweeter & happier so a Big Thank You to Patricia Evans
A war you'll never win. - By: Sue Jones, 02 Sep 2008 An Americanised approach to a subject few people talk about, though the (professionally unqualified) author Evans isin a win/win situation - any help for abused people is a lifeline even if it's badly presented.
There are simpler, starker & better explanations than those presented by Evans of why the emotional abuser will always win - asin 'Stalking The Soul' by Marie-France Hirogoyen, which does without the sometimes childish & over-simplified dialogue illustrations presented by Evans.
However, as Evan's book progresses, it slightly improves, & as a companion to say, the Hirogoyen book, it eventually works at a limited level. But Evan's lugubrious verbosity is of no help when you need the facts, especially if you're no fan of therapy as a media cult, which is how some of Evan's mawkish writing comes across.
There's a lot of gravy, before you get to the meat, & Evans will antagonise the reader at almost every page with over-weening claptrap:
"Don't ever delude yourself into thinking that you should have the ability to stay serene no matter how you are treated. Your serenity comes from the knowledge that you have a fundamental right to a nurturing environment & a fundamental right to affirm your boundaries."
As the abused will know, the abuser will allow them no such rights or affirmation whatsoever, & sections of the book may engender false hope that abuse can be dealt with by being 'firm' with the abuser, or 'affirming your boundaries.'
Such simplistic advice could prolong an abusive relationship, leading to chronic depression, violence, further abuse or worse, & the best advice is not to rely solely on this book to provide the answers you need.
[two stars- browser error allocated five]
An illuminating and informative book - By: Dominique Micklewright, 29 Jun 2008 I didn't know quite what to expect when I started reading it but to my surprise found that it is invaluable & has made me realise that even when I thought my partner was being nice he actually wasn't & opened my eyes to things that perhaps I have chosen not to recognise for the sake of carrying on a normal lifein the past 10 years. Everyone should read this book to recognise the signs of abuse, I'd recommend using a pencil to notein the book incidents which have happened to yourself that relate to the different sections so you can easily refer back to your notes.
Glad I found this out before I got in too deep - By: Sherry Zade, 13 Dec 2007 An excellent insight into this subtle, insidious form of psychological warfare. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever felt a twinge of imbalancein their verbal dealings with someone but tried to dismiss or ignore it. Be safe, not sorry.
Helpful advice on protecting yourself from verbal abuse - By: Rolf Dobelli, 10 Aug 2007 Verbal abuse might not be as visible as physical abuse, but it can be just as damaging. What makes this type of abuse so insidious is that the victim blames herself, further weakening her self-esteem, instead of placing the responsibility firmly where it belongs - on the abuser. Patricia Evans unmasks verbal abusein all its hurtful guises, from the most obvious such as yelling & name-calling, to the covert manipulations of sabotage, double-speak & denial. Evans bases her insights & conclusions on extensive research. She uses real-life situations & dialogue to shed light on this dark, destructive ailment - though she sometimes can be repetitive & unnecessarily complex. Her in-depth analysis of the dynamics of verbal abuse may be more suited to therapists & researchers than to victims seeking coping advice. Evans would be the first to say that if you arein imminent danger, get professional help or a cop. We recommend her book to anyone who might bein a verbally abusive relationship or who cares about someone who is. Therapists & counselors will also benefit from this well-researched thesis.
