Customer Reviews
A bible to some, a useful guide to many more. - By: Brian Russell, 23 Oct 2007 
The authors have led very interesting lives, & revindicate their past & present promiscuityin a refreshing way, convincly arguing that this is a healthy & worthy pursuit. Their experiences have given them rare & intelligent insights into love, friendships, conflict resolution, honesty, loving oneself more, dealing with disappointment, jealousy, etc. At the same time, the narration is an excellent mix of theory & storytelling, which makes it far easier to imagine living out one's wildest hopes for community, lots of love & abundant varied sex. In fact, its such a great guide to setting out to get more lovein your life that it's understandable why this book is almost a bible for many polyamorists. It deals with most of the aspects of being loving to several people at once that most of us are likely to come across, & even prudes & monogamists (no strangers to jealousy or disappointment) stand to gain quite a lot of insight into relationships from reading this book.
The book is seemingly drawn from many years of experimentation almost entirelyin San Francisco & Northern California. Thus some of the conclusions drawn & advice given may not work for others setting out to reproduce these experimentsin other cultures & places. Outside of the English speaking world it's only been translated to Russian, though Portugeuse & Chinese versions are rumored to exist.
Easy read but ethically flawed - By: S. Oliver, 14 Apr 2007 
This book defines "sluts" & those who chose freely & without regret or nagging concience to have sex with many people whetherin a relationship or not. A "slut" feels that it is not reprehensible to do this & that it is a normal part of human behaviour. It takes the view that you are going to want sex, sex is good & you should go get itin whatever quantities you want, with whoever you want, whether you arein a relationship or not. The authors believe this is normal & that it is your right. This may be so, but if you don't believe that having sex with other people whilein a relationship is absolutely & thoroughly OK, there is nothingin this book that will change your mind.
If you are the "slut", your partner's feelings about your behaviour are to be considered as more your partner's problem than your own. It is suggested that you might / should help your partner through their angst but should not be deflected from your course of "sluttery" if that is the path you have chosen. The book does go some way to offering guidance on how partners (or yourself if roles are reversed & you have a "slut" for a partner) may feel when putin this horrible position but jealousy is seen as a dysfunctional emotion & something that simply has to be gotten over. The jealous partner is seen as the one with the problem, not the sex-seeking "slut". The book suggests that if you have a partner who embraces the "slut" lifestyle you might prepare for their nights of infidelity & your ensuing depression & hurt by making yourself comfortable at home & doing things like renting a couple of movies or getting a nice meal delivered to your home & maybe pampering yourself a little. If this seems like a well conceived plan to you, & you believe that a warm, scented bath with flower petals floating on it will ease your pain while your beloved is out therein someone else's bed, you will love this book. If not, it will just seem ridiculous.
Having read the book I think it would serve as a reasonable roadmap for two likeminded individuals who intend to bein an open relationship & need some guidance from those who have been there before & seen some of the difficulties up close. If you accept that this lifestyle will at times cause you & your partner pain but you believe that the benefits from living the "slut" lifestyle make the pain worthwhile & justifiable, then you will draw wisdom from these pages. Some of the comments on feelings of jealousy are indeed insightful & should not be dismissed. But ifin your relationship one of you wants freedom while the other wants monogamy, this bookin the hands of the freedom-seeker will likely bring the end of your relationship that much nearer. It may well empower the freedom-seeker on a tide of sanctimonious "sluttery" while the partner seeking monogamy may be left clutching the painful remains of the relationship as the "slut" heads out the door for another rendezvous with another casual partner but this time, with a clear conscience.
I was rather reminded of the book given to Dorian Gray by Lord Henryin "The Picture Of Dorian Gray" which acted as the catalyst for so much or Dorian's uninhibited & debase behavior, & which ultimately led to his miserable demise. Be careful into who's hands you put this book. I'd say it has the potential to severely damage insecure relationships already troubled by issues of monogamy, though the authors would probably see this as simply bringing self-fulfillment to one of the partners & bringing about the end an already dysfunctional relationship situation.
An interesting but scary or liberating read depending upon your point of view.
Answers questions. - By: , 05 Jul 2003 The Ethical Slut answers a lot of questions that many of us have about this sort of realtionship, though, it does seem they fail to define itin terms. While some call it swinging or open realtionship, it seems as though the authors steer clear of giving their choice of lifestyle a name, though it is certainly alternative. Which is fine with me because they do not fail to give relevent information nor examples.
I read this shortly after "Swinging for Beginners" & found both of them to be honest books that really provoke some hard truths. An outstanding look on alternative relationships.
Look beynd the title -- learn frm those who go frther than u - By: , 25 Mar 2003 
If you wanted to cook or garden better, you'd have no hesitationin turning to someone who has run their own restaurant or designed a hundred gardens.
Similarly, if you want to learn how to be better at intimacy & closenessin human relationships, it makes sense to learn from someone who has dealt with these issues at the complex end of the spectrum -- even if you don't want to "turn professional" yourself.
The authors have found that they enjoy & benefit from having several loving relationships at the same time. (Despite the title, this book is NOT just about 'swinging'.) That raises issues, & you can apply what they have learned to help improve even just one intimate relationship.
For me this book is about showing ways for people to relate to each other intimately, lovingly,in an environment of honesty & mutual emotional growth. Whether they then choose to do that with one other person or several is up to them, or you.
As the other UK reviewer says, the only weakness of the book is on how to deal with other people & their prejudging prejudices -- people who can't get past their "ooh er, missus" or "shouldn't be allowed" reactions. People who won't (in the words of the book) "own their own stuff". For them the best solution, I suppose, would be to read this book.
A really good book, enlightening, funny and just the best - By: , 10 Aug 2000 What can I say?. I've never read anything like this before. Lifein San Francisco is NOTHING like life anywhere elsein the world apparently - makes you want to move there! . I doubt I can be the only UK based person to read this book, but I sure as hell wish other people would read it, get enlightend & relax a little - if not as a slut, but to be more aware that there is more to life than stereotypes. I'd heartily recommend this book to anyonein any kind of relationship - all the words of wisdom could relate to anyone or any situation, & would make life so much easier if only is learning to respect & trustin each others feelings & beliefs. As for ethical sluttery, well I doubt that there are too many people who take it to the lengths of Catherine & Dossie, but if you aren't the sort who can conform to a wholly monogamous life, then you really should buy this book. If little else it's funny to read how other people live, & quite enlightening! My only request would have been how to cope. If you're thinking of such a life how best to fit itin with your normal personal & work life, your family, & existing friends. What do you tell them?, How?, all that kind of thing - the chapter that deals with this could use a little elaboration but nothing else about this book leaves you wanting....
